During my graduate work I read the book, The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee, for my Approaches to Christian Counseling class. In the book McGee states "Our parents are our models of the character of God." After reading this short sentence my heart became overwhelming distressed. I want more than anything in the world to raise children who love God and desire to live their lives for Him. Therefore I feel a great call to develop the character of God in my own life in order that they may see that modeled and not have a distorted view of God, but instead be able to see God clearly because of the way they were raised by their own parents.
Today I thought back on a situation from when I was a nanny a few years back. The little boy kicked his soccer ball which managed to go over the banister and into a glass vase lined up across a shelf in the dining room. His mother had often reminded him to be careful when kicking his soccer ball in the house because it is highly possible he would accidentally kick the ball into one of her glass vases. As the ball collided with the glass vase the look on Ethan's face was nothing but pure horror. I said "uh oh" as I thought of the shattered pieces laying on the ground beneath us and the words that came from my mouth sent him running into his room to hide. I walked over to the banister to find the glass vase laying all in one piece on the carpet. What a relief! I went into his room to find him lying under his bed shaking with freight. I let him know that the vase didn't break and it was safe to come out. He was still terrified as he thought his parents would never forgive him for what he had done. I assured him that everything was okay and gently guided him out from under the bed. His father was home on Fridays, but I felt like he needed time to cool down before we broke the news to dad.
So later in the afternoon I asked him to go break the news with me. I told him I would hold his hand, but we had to be honest with dad and let him know what happened. He became overwhelmed with fear of his father's reaction. I know that his parents are nothing but loving and I am certain that his father would forgive him and accept him with open arms. I tried encouraging him over and over again, but he didn't want to tell his father giving me permission to tell him. I open the door to his fathers office and he falls to the ground and begins sobbing uncontrollably. I tell his father that something happened, but Ethan is terrified to tell him. His father gently asks Ethan to come talk to him and Ethan runs and hides. His father goes to find Ethan and tries to get Ethan to tell him the story, but Ethan remains terrified. He then asks me the story and after I tell him what happened he walks back over to his son, puts his arms around him and says "I know it was an accident and it's okay". He then leans down and kisses his son on the forehead and says "I love you!" I told his father that one of Ethan's greatest fears was that he wouldn't be able to get the vase back up on the shelf so his father tells him that they will put it back up together. His father leaves the room to return to work, but assures his son that everything is okay and that he is loved.
I crawled up next to Ethan and began to rub his back to help him calm down as he continued to sob uncontrollably. I reminded Ethan that his father was not angry and that he had been forgiven. I reminded him that his father loved him. Ethan continued crying for some time and I just continued to remind him that despite his mistake his fathers love for him had not changed.
I think about Ethan's fear in a different light as I think about myself as a child. I think about how if I would have done the same thing I would have been yelled at for coming close to breaking something when I had been reminded not to act like a fool in the first place. I would have been yelled at despite the fact that I had done so accidentally because I should have been smarter than that. This would have been my father's reaction to the same situation. I see that in myself now as a wife which makes me know I'll be the same with my own child. I can't let that happen. I will not let that happen.
What a vital role we play in the life of our children. If Ethan's father would have responded the way that he expected him too, Ethan may have began to develop a poor view of God. That is that his love is conditional and he is unforgiving. However, perhaps because of his fathers gentle and loving response Ethan will grow up to learn that God loves him unconditionally and forgives him when he goofs.
As I continued reading the book a very important statement was mentioned time and time again as a reminder to us where our significance comes from. McGee states, "We are deeply loved, completely forgiven, fully pleasing, totally accepted, and complete in Christ." I think about these words and they remind me of the role I need to play in my children's lives. I need to consider how I can show my children that they are deeply loved, completely forgiven, fully pleasing, totally accepted and complete in Christ. Perhaps remembering the events that took place that day will be a great reminder to me of what I should do as a mother in order to show my children that they are all of these things.
I pray that we all begin to develop these characteristics and that we learned to be like Christ. I pray that I will allow my anger to end with me and that my children will see a loving, caring, and forgiving mother. May we truly be parents that bless our children and shows them the love of Christ through our own actions. May our children grow up to love God and see Him through us.
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